


Hope

by KoreanGal55555



Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst, Elizabeth's POV, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Mother-Son Relationship, Neal is younger, Possible Spoilers, Post-Season/Series 01, The Burkes as Neal's parents, Wishing, if only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-17 06:48:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoreanGal55555/pseuds/KoreanGal55555
Summary: Elizabeth looks between Peter and Neal. She smiles and tells herself not to, but she hopes.





	Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Set post-season 01. 
> 
> Alterations to ages because I didn't know them when I had this story in mind.  
> In this story:  
> Peter: 43  
> Elizabeth: 40  
> Neal: 31

She steps into the kitchen with a quick excuse to seep cups of tea for her boys. 

In the living room, Neal leans unconsciously towards Peter as the agent details one of his earlier - and unsuccessful - exploits in his career. Satchmo lays at their feet, warm and soft. It's late into the night and though the sight in itself is not unusual, Neal's smile is tight - genuine but tense. Peter oft trades stories with Neal - hypothetical heists, Neal reminds with a jaunty wink - but tonight, it's a one-sided conversation and Peter's voice cracks slightly from speaking for so long. Satchmo, picking up on the mood, is more subdued and his tail is still.

That is real.

She lets herself take a single moment of contentment, allows herself to imagine for a moment that her dream, her kinder yet more selfish dream, is reality - that they are _all_ her boys. 

She lets herself pretend that Peter's worried glance is slightly more paternal and Neal's stance more vulnerable and honest, allows her imagination to paint the picture with watercolors that blend and shape the atmosphere. Satchmo, sitting up and licking at Neal's hand to comfort in a move he only does with the Burkes. Neal, consciously leaning closer to Peter and relaxing - trusting. Peter, rubbing his hand soothingly on Neal's back to remind him that he is loved. 

She wonders if this is what their son would have been like. 

She fills the kettle and places it over the stove fire, keeping an eye on it as she grabs a handful of tea leaves - jasmine, she decides spontaneously - and three mugs. 

Automatically, her mind throws objections at her. The most obvious being their ages: Neal is just past 30 whereas Peter is in his 40s. And, she swallows weakly, she's already had people insinuate that they're polyamorously dating because of how close they are in comparison to their labeled relationship - agent, agent's wife, and CI. The thought makes her flinch not because Neal isn't attractive or because of his status or because he isn't worth it or anything else, but it...

She arranges the leaves between the cups to quiet her mind, trying to organize her thoughts better. (Peter, her brain already knows, prefers the stronger flavor while Neal favors a more subtle taste.)

It's like, she decides, someone insinuating you were sleeping with your brother or your sister. It just  _feels_ wrong, yet at the same time, having maternal feelings for someone she'd have had to given birth at the age of 9 to truly mother...

Her hands are shaking and she presses them against the cool tile of the counter for some semblance of control. 

But god, she wants.

Being a mother, just-

She closes her eyes tightly, feeling that rush of shame flush over her again because it wasn't for lack of trying but, just, after years of marriage and trying without any tangible results- 

"Hon?" Peter calls, voice shying just on the edge of concern. 

"In a minute," she returns, voice surprisingly steady. She takes in another deep breath, allows the scent to calm herself, and breathes out slowly. 

She wants and she doesn't - can't, it seems - have.

It makes it seem like her maternal feelings for Neal are some sort of escape or retribution depending on her overarching self-vindication levels for the day, and she can't create distance between him and herself either; not when he needs the support emotionally and otherwise, when Peter's relationship with him was to continue for the unforseeable future, when she's not masochistic enough to cut off their relationship herself. (Because it was better to have dreamt than to have had nothing at all, she reasons.)

She turns off the fire when the kettle whistles and pours the hot water into the mugs, careful of her fingers. 

She's not his mother, she mentally reprimands, and she never would be.

She bites her bottom lip. 

Yet she hears the whispers of Neal's nightmares when he wakes in the night, quiet and subdued but haunted. She catches the flicker of worry and trust - despite his best efforts - within Peter's eyes whenever Neal is brought up. She feels love for this man that isn't demeaning or romantic or quite platonic either. 

And Neal isn't some scapegoat or convenient mothering target - though his penchant for danger and alcohol is less than healthy and a natural draw for worriers like herself and Peter. 

He's  _Neal_ , which is enough yet at the same time not enough for an explanation.

She blinks rapidly, coming back to herself.

She stops by the doorway and prepares, knowing she's taken longer than necessary for the tea. She steps out, her cheerful interjection silently disappearing as she catches the tail end of Peter's story. She notes the way in which Neal's smile is much less...burdened, she decides is the proper word, and whole-heartedly amused. She spots the relief shadowing Peter's expression at Neal's relaxation and sees Satchmo's head pop up with interest, tail wagging ever-so-slightly in the air.

She can't help herself. 

She looks between Peter and Neal. She smiles and tells herself not to, but she hopes. 

She hopes that they can trust each other, that this -  _them_ \- will work out, that the world will stop throwing curveballs at them, that justice will be found for them (for Neal and for Kate), that this moment could just last forever-

And she knows that not all of those hopes can come to fruition. 

But most of all, she notes ironically, she hopes for something that all mothers desire - for her family to be happy. 


End file.
